Spring storms

Spring is officially here, April less than a week away. A week or more ago, we had such beautiful weather and a decent snow which was to be expected.

This last week has been interesting. I wake up to beautiful blue skies but walk out to cold, windy weather. For just a few moments most every day in the last week, snow blew across the window view laying down a light dusting on the meadow.

The winds drove more than a few major fires across the area immediately around Denver, and the dryness and low humidity makes many of us fearful of the fire season that has started much earlier than expected.

God, protect our community from the ravages of more fires this year. Those that surrounded the area last year were enough for a lifetime. Bless the firefighters who risk their life to protect the beauty of Your creation. And our homes.

Spring in the Rockies

We got a little more than a dusting of snow last night. But it was gone by early afternoon. More green is showing up in the meadow and the elk are loving it. One would think all they do is eat! I could have gone without my coat, AGAIN today, and I LOVE it.

I watered my plants with a special blooming food and can't wait to see the green sprouts pop up. Yes, this is my favorite time of the year by far.

A yearling elk was so cute as he jumped over the street and down the hill for the greenest part of the meadow. He's no dumbie! A few others are following him, but something is holding them back. Hmmm They obviously don't realize he has found the greenest patch of land. Better for him. Hahaha

Thank you Lord for the beautiful gift of nature you have blessed me with. I guess tonight we get to see the "Super moon", seen once every 18 years, plus or minus. This is the year it is closest to the earth, plus it is a full moon so it will be beautiful at night as well.

Ohhh my piece of heaven.

Snow lol

I should have known this would happen. When I was a motorcycle escort and head rider, I always warned the guys that following a beautiful day, (in the 70's) to plan on coming in early the next morning to put side cars on the bikes, because we were bound to get snow. This in Jan. - April. Sure enough...

I had to laugh this morning when I looked out my window and saw frost on the ground. Then I noticed the light flakes blowing around in the air. I doubt this will last or amount to much, but it's fun to watch all the same.

The screen changes the view

When taking the dog out today, I noticed something for the first time. The screen, (black) distorts an important part of my view.

70 degrees out today, and the ice I grabbed from the downspout and put in my planters has melted. And there is a little green stem coming up among the rocks. Looking around more closely I realized the grass on the hillside across the road was...yes..turning green. Among the yellow and brown grasses and the mud in the meadow, more green. How nice to sit outside and just enjoy that which makes me love spring more than any other season.

I know we will get more snow this season, heck last year one of the biggest storms came in May. The 'radio' stated May storms have been big the last two years. When the kids were in school, most, if not all their school days off for weather were in April. So.... but that's OK.

The more moisture the more green. And how perfect for the green to start showing for St.Patrick's day! I'd be willing to bet tomorrow I will see even more green. I may even open the windows. I can hear the birds with them closed, but that fresh breeze, the un -'muted' sounds and one less layer of glass to distort the view.

As spring arrives the thought of moving to Denver will probably be put on hold. I'm sure the depression and doubts and sadness will vanish as quickly as the brown grasses do.

Thank you Lord, for this wonderful blessing and view from my window!

Denver or Estes?

I just read a blog by a friend who's nephew died following a seizure. A condition my daughter has. I stare out the window and so love the view, but a part of my heart wants to be down where I can 'watch' her and be near. But.... she wouldn't want that and it's just not realistic.

There is more that tears at my heart. My grandsons. How I would love to be near them to see them more often. I miss them. Even when I am down there, the distance and timing makes it hard to impossible to find time to get out to see them. My daughter- in- law comes up here and though we are much closer in distance, we don't see each other unless my son is with them. That says alot about our relationship. I know this last trip she was sick, but I'd be lying to say it doesn't hurt.

I've been thinking of moving down to Denver, but there is so much to give up here in Estes, besides the view from my window. My doctor, services, life as I like it. And my mom did it thinking life would be different, she would see my siblings more, do things with them. That didn't happen. I saw her more with trips down and days on end spent with her. My brother did take her to breakfast every Sunday, but I don't think I would be that lucky. Maybe, a big maybe, I would get to babysit on occasion, I would probably see my girls more, be their DD, (designated driver) and cab service, but.... the time I would sit in some dumpy apartment would be cold, hard and no open views, no visiting wildlife.

For some reason I seem to be in a 'funk', depressed. As usual, my life is such a dialectic mess. Not a philosophy as stated in the dictionary, but just a contradiction. Happy and sad, content but unsettled. It doesn't help watching the funeral service of a Limon police officer as I will always see any law enforcement as a 'brother'. So many have been killed across the country. A war on law enforcement officers.

Time to get lost in the view I have...

spring snows

Those who choose to sleep in today hoping to 'catch up' with the hour of sleep lost to Daylight savings time, might have missed that we had a good inch or so of snow during the night.

I thought I was dreaming as I swore I heard scanner traffic talking about icy roads, snow etc. I woke up early and swore I saw snow covering the meadow outside, then fell back to sleep. When I finally got up and moving, there were just a few patches of snow outside the window. I had to think hard to remember that yes indeed, I had seem snow outside, covering the meadow. The news confirmed it.

Oh how I love Colorado and it's beautiful sunshine! Thank you Lord.

Rain in March

March 12 and we are getting a gentle rain. I just know we have a few more big snow storms before spring finally arrives. I'd think the animals are confused. Birds are back. I love hearing them singing, in the mornings especially. One was even looking for the seed that has been buried under snow.

Tonight four young elk showed up in the meadow. Rather unusual to have such a small amount of elk. Usually they come by the dozens to even hundreds. Snow and mud lay in the low area of the wetlands. I imagine it is actually rather wet about now. The grass just seems so brown for the elk to get anything substantial out of it. Even with the snow bound to come, flowers should start 'popping up' before long. That will be nice.

Spring is my favorite season. Watching the dead come to life.
Any day now....

Paying it forward

I love my God. I love my children. I love my life despite the sadness, disappointments and 'wishes', for each day I am blessed with the knowledge of His miracles and my lifetime of amazing blessings.

There are things I don't like about myself, things I regret and am disappointed in. But, when it comes to WHO I am, in my heart and soul, I am proud. It feels good to know I care so deeply for others. Some would say it isn't 'good' but unhealthy, crying for others on a daily basis. But, to know that love for others that is so sincere, helps me get a glimpse into God's love for me. I know my love for my children, which seems 'unbeatable', is nothing compared to God's love. I can't even imagine. But I know how I feel when I observe the view from my window, especially on the extra special wonderful sightings, and can feel His love for me. A part of it. I believe I understand and give unconditional love and that gives me a peaceful, joyful feeling. Knowing Him, understanding His love and the love of Christ for us overwhelms me at times. But to know I am capable of feeling a short amount of that love, just feels so good. It's so strong and powerful, I don't think any of us could 'handle' the full out love of His. Thus, in death we are born to be able to comprehend and 'handle that love. Imagine, the love of all those who have loved us in the span of our lives, many we don't even know of, or know the extent or why, surrounding us at once. That is going to be a powerful moment. One I so look forward to. One I soooo want my children to know. Now, and after.

They are so good and loving now, and it causes pain in their lives. I wish I could let them see a little of the joy they will know when my age and can look back on their lives with the feeling I have. Hard to explain, but powerfully happy, proud and joyous for the chance to know what it feels to love others so much. To be respectful and nice and know we made a difference when it mattered. People have understandably grown hard and cold to self protect, but those who keep trying to reach past that fear and love and care, really make a difference. I imagine everyone could, (if they wanted to) admit that someones gentle smile or sincere "how are you?", and responds appropriately when you say, "horrible" has made a huge difference in our life at that moment. Have you ever been blessed to be the one in line behind a person who wanted to 'pay it forward', and pays for your order? Better yet, have you been able to do a 'pay it forward' to someone you don't know? It's awesome. Yes, when it's unappreciated it is hurtful, but in the long run, it still feels so good. Though we instinctively want to know if what we do made a difference, the best moments are when we reach out to a stranger we'll never see again, if at all (the car behind you, a letter to a soldier, running a race or attending a fund raiser for victims of illness or tragedy). Despite what many would lead us to believe, we want to help another. We want to be needed and do something good for others. Selfishly I know that when I do something like that for another, it makes ME feel good. That is my greatest wish, that I would win the lottery so as to go to a home for the vets and hand out $100 bills. Or donate a ton of things to different organizations, hospitals, advocates offices and do it anonymously. Can you imagine 'people watching' somewhere, seeing someone crying or obviously upset, a young mother unable to pay the full price of her groceries and having to start taking item off, when suddenly, the money magically 'appears', or a gift card in in their hands, or a hug warms them when cold.....??? Oh, that would make my life. To see someone smile because of a simple act on my part. To know someones life is happier, if just for the moment. I know those brief miraculous moments, make holding on through the long haul, possible. I know what it is like to see a smile and a bright moment/surprise, when all around me was so dark. I know it can literally save a life. Just thinking of it makes me happy. It can be something as simple as a smile, a handful of change, a hug, a sincere "how are you" that can change a persons moment for the better. I don't need to win a lottery to make a difference in someones life. Remember that self !!!!!!!!!!

Animal angels

This was supposed to be written about 5 years ago. Ughhh.
Anyway, the Feb. after moving in I had back surgery, again. I felt alone and scared, laying in bed, trying to sleep before leaving for the hospital, an hour away. When I woke up, there was an elk lying outside my window. Never before, and not in the 5 years since, has this ever happened. I've always loved deer. But when mom and Mason saw three deer outside the cemetery when arranging dads funeral, I understood God's use of His animals as signs of Gods love. Many times, when things weren't going right, they were to be seen. When "Bucky Lou" was born, the heard of stags, an uncommon occurrence was one sign, I just didn't recognize the significance until much later. After dad died and remembering her birth was fraught with complications. The elk are the animals that traipse through the meadow outside my window. On about 3-4 rare occasions I have seen a bunch outside my door. It always came at times I really needed to know God was near and things were OK. Like after mom died, and the hard days that hit over the following year+. When my daughter had seizures. Now the Hawks bring me the same joy. Again, because it is rare to see them 'up close and personal'. But with the last big snow I was blessed to watch them up close, for many hours.

God constantly is showing us how much He loves us, but our minds are closed to much. I want this lent to be about giving Him the opportunity to show me His blessings and love by getting out more, away from the 'city' (such as it is) and taking hikes into His world. With an open mind.

Dry winter

We had a good snow, finally, about a week or two ago. 8 to 14 inches and it was wonderful. Of course, as expected in Colorado this time of year, the beautiful sun melted most of it already. There is still the crusted, wind driven drift just outside the window. Being on the north side of the building, there are areas that get no direct sun so that snow lasts forever.

But, today it is just brown, mud outside with no animals venturing by. Spots of snow remind me it's still winter and there is hope for a decent storm tonight. We get the worst snows in April, usually. Within days the sun clears the roads and it is just so beautiful. But now, it is depressing. Everyone is so excited for spring to come. The many 60+ degree days do that to you. Then the cold hits and everyone moans.

I haven't raised the shades much more than a fourth of the way, just enough to see if my 'buddies' happen by. I don't need to see the overcast skies on top of the brown dead grasses. Tomorrow I must raise them fully. Any sunlight helps the depression, which is made worse with worries of my childrens health and car safety. I don't know what would happen if anything happened to one of my children. When they were but 'babes' and youngsters, I knew their death would = mine. Now, I understand I must stick around for the other children, but how I would get through it???? Won't go there.

Lent begins this week. How can I be so worried when my faith is so great. God has been almost miraculously good in protecting my children and I am so grateful. My list of blessings would stretch 'round the world', my list of disappointments etc., that would be short and sweet. For each tragedy, sorrow, disappointment has made me more compassionate and caring. That I see as yet another blessing. So I won't complain of anything. Only offer praise and thanksgiving to a God who knows my weaknesses, and strengths. I'm a better person for the trials in my life.